Change – Life’s Alternations

My mind froze as I breathed in the icy coldness of air. The chill brought back memory a horrific change which came into my life since my son’s death. Michael was murdered and I was living in the aftermath. Painful repercussions depleted my strength leaving me weak. An enormous amount of emotional and physical energy left me drained. Life was difficult! The emotional scars were deep and I felt afraid. How could I explain the unexplainable?  How could I put into a few words all that happened? My life was changed forever! Faithful to His name, the Lord increased my faith as I found my place in Him.

I look back to the sweetest hour of reprieve which met me in the most intense adversity. God is my strength. Tender sentiments warm my heart to a time when the Lord took special care over me during this heavy season. He poured out gentle compassion upon a poor broken vessel: me! The season was harsh but in the darkness I also saw rays of light shining through. Those rays were the blessings that followed when the Lord gave us a new home, beautiful and private. A peaceful place; where we could seek God’s guidance and direction for our lives. It became our little haven of rest for the next five years.

Prior to moving into this quaint little place many things happened. My husband and I sold our previous home where we had a three-week escrow. The frenzy rush of packing twenty years of belongings in such a short time is overwhelming. My thoughts were consumed by the move when I suddenly realized we had no home to go to and less than a week to be out. That is when calls were made to friends to secure a place to stay until other arrangements could be made.  A good and gracious friend, opened her door to us. Her name is Mercedes. Several months turned into almost a year. She once asked, “what is your hurry to leave?” Everything was good and we were all happy. In retrospect I wonder, “How could I have understood God’s blessings if we didn’t see with our own eyes His provisions?” How good He was to us! Mercedes was an amazing witness to us. Her love for the Lord was seen in action. She made sacrifices for us allowing us to set up our computer in her living room and permitting us to bring our refrigerator to her house. Funny but kind were her words, “I don’t want you tip-toeing around this house….this is your home too!”  Those tender words made us feel welcome. During the week Mercedes and I watch Beth Moore together.  On Saturday mornings we’d sit across the table from each other with our bibles wide open ready to share God’s love and our favorite Scriptures.  So sweet was our fellowship! It was a mark of a particular season, a specific time in life when God’s lovingkindness covered us in beauty and grace. When our time with Mercedes ended we once again moved. We remained in our home town for five more years. Then the day came for another change.

This time it is a larger, further more complex move with bigger adjustments. We are moving from one state to another from sunny California to a state of icy cold winters, where carpets of snow cover the ground.

One morning I lay in my bed full of emotion I was deep in thought.  How can I part with the things I love without an inward bleeding of my heart?  Quietly, I prayed in brokenness, pleading for strength to follow God’s divine will for my life. Lord, uproot the possessions I have cherished for so long which have taken the place of You in my heart.  I am willing to follow Your will where ever You lead. My mind drifted as a tug of emotion brought back memories. My mind struggled with having to choose between the known, to the unknown.. The common things I loved in my home town and now to pick up to go an unfamiliar place. What would it be like? I felt restless!  Family ties and years of friendships were safe and secure to me. What it would be like to make new friendships? Or adjust to a new place and build new memories?  I questioned, why are we moving? My mind reasoned, we are moving to be closer to our family. What a privilege to have an impact on our daughter and her family. To be close once again to our grand children gave me warm feelings. We will bridge the gap of miles and years between us; surely this would be a huge blessing. My mood lightens when flashes of memories refreshed my mind. These were the sweetest years of watching the children grow, and the fun of seeing the grand children growing. What fun-filled those years! Just the thought of them made my spirit lift. Silently, I was brought back to the desire to follow God’s will. I quietly thanked the Lord. How blessed I am a door is open for us to experience fresh new beginnings with our family. These are our joys! We would not trade them for anything. How good God is!

“Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert…..The people whom I formed for myself will declare My praise (1).

Thank you Lord, for Your wisdom exceeds all else.  You bring life and pleasures.  Who could ask for more?  I rest in Your providence, as You work in my life.  Your ways are far greater than all I can begin to understand.  In You I rest!  Amen.

1. Isa. 43: 18-19, 21 (nas)

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